Someone shit on the floor
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
