I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
