it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
