Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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