I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
