I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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