The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
