Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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