I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
