He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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