we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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