This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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