dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
