I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
