you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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