he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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