burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
