i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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