I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
