I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
