My nipple is on Facebook.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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