That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
