Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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