if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
