I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
