There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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