Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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