All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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