can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
