i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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