That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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