tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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