U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The adults are the big ones right?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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