We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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