She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
