There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
worst night to have a conscience
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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