either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
