Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
