Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
