dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
