1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
