Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
