I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
