party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Of course I have a pirate flag
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
