If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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