Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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