He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
