Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
