i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
