I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
