Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
